Well it sure has been a while since I've posted... I haven't really been in much of a mood to write. I've been doing this whole "new life change" thing and it's kind of taken over my life. So for today, I'm just going to give you some of my random thoughts...
• Cruelty. Sometimes I wonder why people are so cruel... What has happened in their life to make them act that way? Were they bullied as a kid? Were they bullied as an adult? What in the world could possess someone to be so mean-hearted? Have they just allowed Satan to get the best of them? And all at the same time, keep a smile on their face while they're doing it? That just completely boggles my mind.
• Death. Death has been on my mind lately. I know that's probably such a dark and deep thought. But death isn't so dark if you think about it. If you are a Christian, you get to go to heaven. FOREVER! You get to worship the God who created you. FOREVER!! That also boggles my mind!
• Heaven. At church (Church at Rock Creek), Mark has been teaching a series called "Left Behind." It has really got my mind thinking about what we are really living for here on Earth. We were created by God. We are part of His beautiful plan some how. He has given us the best gift of all, salvation. He has given us a book that is God-breathed. And the fact that we get the opportunity to worship Him for the rest of our lives, living and not living, just completely amazes me!!! I love how my mind can not entertain the idea of forever. I try and think about how long forever will be... and I sit there and get chills. Heaven is going to be such a glorious home!!!!!
• Worry. Even though I like to think that I'm a calm, laid back kind of gal, I'm really not in the least bit. I'm always either worrying about something or planning something. Or both. I always have something on my mind. Whether it's life, money, family, friends... I'm constantly thinking about everything throughout the day. So much that at night, I have to take in so many deep breaths to get myself to stop thinking about everything. I will lay in bed for an hour trying to fall asleep because my mind won't stop racing. It's ridiculous.
• Future. Going back to the worrying part, my future is something I think about all the dang time. I think about where I'm going to be in the next 5 years... 10 years... 20 years. Don't get me wrong. I know that I'm not the one who determines my future. God is. But that doesn't help me not think about it.
I know this post isn't very "girly"... but I'm a girl. And these are my thoughts. So technically, it's kind of girly.
Well Amy, I think that you and I are the same in many ways. I too like to think of myself as a go with the flow kinda girl that doesn't stress about the small stuff, but I often find myself sick with worry about everything. I have to watch TV before I go to bed to make myself stop thinking. But it can't be anything weird, or I'll have night terrors..my sleep as been a constant battle for the last couple of months. Mark's series has been amazing and it makes me feel better about my life and what's going on in it.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I seriously think you must be my long lost little sister. We're alike in so many different ways! I had the same worry/planning issue for a long time to the extent that it left me sleepless most nights. I think it comes with the realization that you're on your own, and suddenly solely responsible for you. It's difficult not to constantly be dotting I's and crossing t's. :) I finally started journaling every night before bed. I didn't blog it so I wouldn't be tempted to sensor myself. I just wrote my raw words on paper. Sometimes it was long eloquent entries, others it was lists, and sometimes it was just a simple prayer. The point is, it got it out of my head and on paper....and my mind rested so I was able to sleep. It worked for me! I still do this occasionally, and for quick things (like "to do" lists, etc) I send myself a quick email on my phone before bed, or I keep a post-it by my bedside to jot things down if I wake up. It's not easy to do, but I hope your worries and plans become less overwhelming!
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